The End

So, things are changing here. Everything in my life has come to an end of one kind or another. I am still in the "hospital" trying to get well enough to leave.  In my time here, I have lost much.  I've lost almost all my friends, or at least went from friend to 'some poor guy that I really should talk to more, but he's SO depressing.' Whatever.  

I've lost some people that are very dear to me, in one form or another, and I don't know if I will ever see them again.  I have lost the support of my family, for a much as they 'love' me, they have not raised a finger to do anything to help me.  I guess that is to be expected, after all I am the one that left home first, moved to the other side of the country, and refused to move back.  I guess this is what I get for being so independent.... to have that very save independence stripped away.  

I talk like I know that I can leave this place tomorrow and be fine, but deep down, I do not know for certain.  Far as bad as this place is, at least they are able to keep me alive.  They check my vital signs.  They make sure I take the meds I need.  They help me with more... personal... business that personally I don't know if I could ever do for another human without the though that they probably were better off with a bullet in the head then to suffer this kind of indignity.  I must commend them, even with all the chaos and strife and just utter madness, at least I can say that they took fair care of me.  Some of my nurses in fact have taken excellent care of me, unfortunately, too many of the others were so bad.  They really need to reevaluate life.  If you choose to be a Certified Nursing Assistant, and part of that job is helping people urinate and defecate, then you have to do that, and do it in a professional manner.  It saddens me that not all take it serious.  

The important things...those that make me who are am are lost.  But they are not far.  Someday, when I am back on my feet, I will regain them and be whole again.  I know this to be true just as well as I knew that I would live threw the medical problems I had that put me here.  I am nothing if not a tough mother fucker.  I face a lot of challenges ahead.  But I am here, saying I am ready for them, and I will take them all on, as I always have, facing them.  If you think I have done amazing things in my life, your in for a lot more..... I don't lie down and die for anyone, nor anything.... and I promise to spit my last breath into the eye of the reaper himself.