My Strife

A while back I promised to tell what my situation was, and now that things seem a bit more settled I feel I can open up a bit more. Make note that I am not doing this to garner pity, praise, nor anything of the like. It's just facts. Presented as accurately as possible considering some of my issues... one of them being memory loss during and around the initial event. But I digress, here is my deal.

In September of 2009 I had an episode of extreme adema (swelling due to unusual water retention). My legs were so bad that I could barely walk. My scrotum was the size of a grapefruit.... and my feet were so bad that I couldn't barely tell I had toes. I was serious. So I went to the hospital. They put me on a few drugs, and I spent the next week peeing like a fire hose. But it went down, and they figured out what caused it. It was a mistake in one of my medications.

So I go home and all is good until early December when I notice that it is starting again. Foolishly, I decided that I could treat it and stopped taking one of the meds I was on. Well, I stopped taking the wrong one, and it got worse. I was embarrassed and dreading going back to the hospital. The day before Christmas I was rushed to the ER, unable to walk, and fading in and out of consciousness. Eventually, I just blacked out.

The next 5 days were intense. My problem was less about the adema and more about something underlying. It seemed that for some time I had be hypoxic (having a lower then normal level of oxygen in the blood/brain). It meant that my brain was way over it's limit for CO2 and that was damaging my brain. So they put me on a special breathing apparatus and slowly over the course of 2 weeks I started 'waking up'. After another month in the ICU I was sent to a rehab hospital.

My lungs were working at about 25% normal capacity, and I was pretty confused. So, for the next couple months, my lungs eventually recovered. I lost a lot of weight (130 pounds) and I was thinking more clearly. My next challenge was learning how to do things again. I did fine with most of it until I tried to walk.

I have had hip trouble since my teen years when both of my hips were injured and required operations to keep them from falling apart. After those operations, I never walked right again. My hip joint has been disintegrating since then.... so walking would become a very difficult challenge.

I walked, with a walker. But this place I am at, you only get a specific number of days or rehab and if you don't get good enough by then, you have to fight with insurance to get more coverage. I have been here ever since... getting therapy for 6 weeks, then having it canceled, only for me to have to push someone to start it up again.

So when I am depressed, which is most of the time, it more then likely is due to this Hospital I am in. It's more or less a nursing home. Almost all the patients are 80+ years old. Most are also suffering from dementia or Alzheimer or something else. They scream for hours on end. They constantly treat the entire place like their bathroom, and the staff for the most part could care less.

This is an asylum/warehouse for the soon to be departing. Nothing more. Very few leave this place alive, and I am reminded of that time and time again when a roommate of mine dies. In the year and a half that I have been here I have lost count of how many have died in the same room as me. It saddens me to think that I really don't care anymore either.

I don't mean to whine, really I am above all that. But this is as bleak of a situation as I have ever seen and the outcome really can't be good. I try to keep positive, but it really does seem pointless.

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